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#nofilter

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I was thinking about various messages we lives our lives by. We are meaning makers by nature. That’s how our brain works. It creates schemas to help us process things fast and make an assessment about whether we are safe or not. Did you know that is your brain’s #1 priority? To determine whether you are safe and determine the degree of threat….0 to get the hell out. And sometimes because of passed painful experiences and trauma, our brain can be rewired to see threat where there isn’t one. Now we have this threat filter (“people are dangerous…stay safe…isolate…numb” or “attack…defend at all costs”). Those filters shape how we see others and how we see ourselves and how others see us. And a narrative is formed…this schema. It’s our brain’s shortcut and shortcuts can be efficient but they can also miss out on very important data.

Do you know what your natural filters are? If we are unconscious and unaware of them, we will live our lives looking through a lens that may not reflect reality and can have us miss out on true connection to others and within.

So let’s begin by looking at events that shaped us and see how those filters were meant to protect but when it’s used on everything, life becomes very limited. Identifying the filter is the first step. Next, learning to slow down to name the filter and its purpose. As I slow down, I can see more of the present moment and take it all in and can use that data to make meaning of that moment.

New Year. Same You.

When the clock struck midnight, wherever you were, whomever you were with, whether your were in a conscious state or not, you were still the same you that you were at 11:59.I think there can be a misperception that we are re-invented magically at the start of a new year. Like, the opposite of Cinderella. I don’t know how you woke up, but I woke up with the same forehead wrinkles, same blemishes, same body (height and weight), same scar on my knee.

Yes, January 1st meets criteria as “new” simply based on the resetting of our modern day calendars. Most importantly, It mark passage of time. And within that passage of time, situations and circumstances unfolded. Some of them were expected, some were unexpected, some were welcome, some were unwelcome. Some were refreshing and restorative. Some were gut-wrenching and soul-sucking. Just because the calendar re-set, doesn’t mean our lives do. Some of those situations and circumstances have long-lasting impact and consequences that will shape our future. If you had a baby this year, that will shape your years to come. If you lost a loved one this year, it changes your relationship to the past that held them and the future that carries their absence.

Please hear that there isn’t anything wrong with anticipation or excitement about the calendar changing. By all means, do make goals, do set intentions. create plans! But know the hidden danger that hype can create. As you look towards what will be and hope, do not erase or dismiss what came before. We must leave room to let the years teach us and inform us on how to move forward, how to make healthy, realistic, positive goals.

And know that you also don’t need to make January 1st anything more or less than what it needs to be for you.

A Blessing, Healed Wounds

That which haunts us will always find a way out. The wound will not heal unless given witness. The shadow that follows us is the way in. -Rumi

It is a new year. I do not know what the last year held for you. I hope there was laughter and joy and delight. I also can imagine there was also sorrow, pain, disappointment, disbelief. New anything often brings about reflection regarding the old. So you may be at a juncture of reflecting on things from your past. You may wonder about past events and its impact on you. You may be curious about the ways you choose to engage and relate with others. Some things may feel very overwhelming or intolerable to question. That’s okay. We aren’t meant to journey solo. Often we need a guide to remind us where we are going when the path seems treacherous. At times, this guide can come in the form of a counselor. I hope that whomever you choose to walk alongside, you’ll find your way to wholeness and healing, releasing and making meaning of the wounds from the past.