That which haunts us will always find a way out. The wound will not heal unless given witness. The shadow that follows us is the way in.
-Rumi
Engaging with challenges, especially painful, upsetting and distressing ones, requires a sturdy foundation on which to stand and an internal conviction that we will not be overcome. Easier typed than experienced. Avoidance of and resistance to pain is rooted in survival. But we cannot prevent pain from occurring so we must learn to endure and engage it in a way that is healthy and leads towards healing. I am not suggesting we white knuckle through. We can walk through our pain as our own guide to learn more about ourselves and grow into the people we long to be.
Dr. Kristin Neff lists “5 stages of acceptance when meeting difficult emotions” (from The Mindful Self-Compassion Book Workbook):
Resisting: struggling against what comes
Exploring: turning toward discomfort with curiosity
Tolerating: safely enduring, holding steady
Allowing: letting feelings come and go
Befriending: seeing value in difficult emotional experiences
How do we encounter difficult emotions and remain present when the temptation is to avoid and resist?
The more we practice and give space to our pain, the more resilient we become. We free up space within. We can use that internal space in a way that benefits us and others, with curiosity, openness, availability, vulnerability. There is much to be gained.
