One of the consistent things I find in my work with clients is the harsh inner critic that exists and how difficult it can be to be kind to ourselves. Dr. Kristin Neff researches self-compassion at The University of Texas at Austin (hook ‘em, horns!) and has developed mindful self-compassion.
She has identified 3 elements of self-compassion which are 1) self-kindness 2) common humanity and 3) mindfulness.
Let’s look more closely:
Self-kindness- “Rather than being harshly critical when noticing personal shortcomings, we are supportive and encouraging and aim to protect ourselves from harm. Instead of attacking and berating ourselves for being inadequate, we offer ourselves warmth and unconditional acceptance.”
Common Humanity- “A sense of interconnectedness is central to self-compassion. It’s recognizing that all humans are flawed works-in-progress, that everyone fails, makes mistakes, and experiences hardship in life.”
Mindfulness- “Mindfulness involves being aware of moment-to-moment experience in a clear and balance manner. It means being open to the reality of the present moment, allowing all thoughts, emotions, and sensations to enter awareness without resistance or avoidance.”
Dr. Neff summarizes, “Another way to describe the three essential elements of self-compassion is loving (self-kindness), connected (common humanity) presence (mindfulness). When we are in the mind state of loving, connected presence, our relationship to oursevles, others, and the world is transformed.”
