Name It to Tame It

One of my favorite children’s books to gift is The Color Monster by Anna Llenas. I have often shared the premise of the book with my adults clients as well. If a healthy understanding of our emotional world was not modeled to us, our emotions can often feel confusing, scary and even threatening. Many of us may even have a negative connotation of certain emotions (sadness, disappointment, anger) and view them as unacceptable based on the messages we received when experiencing these emotions. We may also hold other emotions in higher regard such as happiness. It is not wrong to want to feel happy and even prefer to be in a happy state. However, it is damaging to our well being to shame other emotions that may feel more painful to us.

Like the color monster, we need to sort through our emotions so we can feel more calm on the instead. The illustration above gives us a visual picture to sort through and understand our internal experience. Drs. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson discuss this in their book The Whole Brain Child. One of the tools they offer is called “Name it to Tame it”. Naming our emotions allows us to feel more regulated because we have context for what is happening. This self-awareness allows us to feel more in control and connected to ourselves.

We need not bury, minimize or dismiss our emotions even if it feels uncomfortable to us. We can give them room and space and see what they want to tell us…

The Guest House

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This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

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A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

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Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

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The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

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Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

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by Rumi

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Taken from SELECTED POEMS by Rumi, Translated by Coleman Barks (Penguin Classics, 2004).

All In The Family, Pt 2

Introducing the newest (official) member of Abound & Flourish, Noah Dang. Noah completed his Canine Good Citizen test several months ago. While he has been coming into the office as an unofficial therapy dog, we are so thankful and proud of him for taking the steps to become officially recognized as a therapy dog.

Noah likes to sit with clients and make sure they are feeling safe. He has been an excellent comforting resource.

Imperfect Strength

We were given bowls that represent us and we took time to be mindful and be grateful for showing up. We placed the bowl in a cloth bag which represented our community and the people who surround us and keep us safe. We then hit the bowl with a hammer (aka life at times).


Finding strength in imperfection. My sister introduced me to the traditional Japanese art form of Kintsugi, meaning to join with gold. She and I participated in a workshop that made me think of this year/life and how we end a year that had broken pieces and begin anew by reassembling the shattered pieces. The process of repairing a vessel examines our relationship with fracture and imperfections…I think we can be ashamed by scars and flaws but what if we approach them with compassion and humility for what was gained and learned.

But what if we shift our perspective on what it means to be whole? Instead of disguising, discarding, or replacing the cracks in life, we actually highlight them with gold and draw attention to our imperfections. We need not be ashamed. We can display our humanness with beauty, grace, strength and gratitude. My friend Sarah says to “look for the gold” and I think that sums it up nicely.


We then reassembled the bowl and began to highlight the cracks with gold to draw attention to the brokenness and repair.

Words from a Wise Poet

As we face another upsetting reality regarding Covid-19 and the Delta variant causing another increase in infection rates and hospitalizations, conversations about public health and mask wearing, I feel the weariness that you most likely feel too. As we face the reality of corrupt power and sexual abuse and violation, of the threat to our freedom of voting and protection of rights, I feel the weariness you most likely feel too. I heard an interview with the author, Clint Smith, and he read this poem he wrote regarding continued injustices and violence towards black and brown bodies. I think it’s important at times to give language that bears the weightiness that is reality. From there, we can free up psychological resources to move forward.

When people say, “we have made it through worse before”

— Clint Smith

all I hear is the wind slapping against the gravestones
of those who did not make it, those who did not
survive to see the confetti fall from the sky, those who

did not live to watch the parade roll down the street.
I have grown accustomed to a lifetime of aphorisms
meant to assuage my fears, pithy sayings meant to

convey that everything ends up fine in the end. There is no
solace in rearranging language to make a different word
tell the same lie. Sometimes the moral arc of the universe

does not bend in a direction that will comfort us.
Sometimes it bends in ways we don’t expect & there are
people who fall off in the process. Please, dear reader,

do not say I am hopeless, I believe there is a better future
to fight for, I simply accept the possibility that I may not
live to see it. I have grown weary of telling myself lies

that I might one day begin to believe. We are not all left
standing after the war has ended. Some of us have
become ghosts by the time the dust has settled.