“You know, we have pieces of the people that have cared about us all through our lives, and they’re all part of us now. And so each one of us represents so many investments from others. No one of us is a lone.”
No disrespect to the reigning Canadian pop queen. We’ve all sung her ballad “All By Myself” for karaoke or ironically. I do think a lot of the time we do think we are all by ourselves. Being by myself (without any emotional support or nurture) is very different than the feeling of being lonely. I want to address the feeling. It’s valid. Full stop. AND we can also self-soothe that ache by identifying our connection to parts of others that are comforting, protective, nurturing, loving, kind, compassionate, supportive.
When I work with clients, sometimes I will ask them to identify people (or animals/pets) that represent for them nurture, protection, and wisdom, so that they can draw from them when they need to feel loved, safe and protected and direction and guidance. The people or pets can be real or imagined. You may have met them or may only know them from afar. For example, I’ve had clients choose characters from Harry Potter. Other therapists have told me people have used Oprah or Michelle Obama as nurturing figures even though they never met them. I personally use Aslan. It’s so powerful what happens when we connect to parts of others (real or imagined) that can be so reassuring. The amazing thing is that we carry that representation within us. We are doing the reassurance by receiving from ourselves what we need and want and providing it through the connections we created.
We are your figures? Who are the people who you reach for in moments of pain and hurt?
