One of my favorite children’s books to gift is The Color Monster by Anna Llenas. I have often shared the premise of the book with my adults clients as well. If a healthy understanding of our emotional world was not modeled to us, our emotions can often feel confusing, scary and even threatening. Many of us may even have a negative connotation of certain emotions (sadness, disappointment, anger) and view them as unacceptable based on the messages we received when experiencing these emotions. We may also hold other emotions in higher regard such as happiness. It is not wrong to want to feel happy and even prefer to be in a happy state. However, it is damaging to our well being to shame other emotions that may feel more painful to us.
Like the color monster, we need to sort through our emotions so we can feel more calm on the instead. The illustration above gives us a visual picture to sort through and understand our internal experience. Drs. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson discuss this in their book The Whole Brain Child. One of the tools they offer is called “Name it to Tame it”. Naming our emotions allows us to feel more regulated because we have context for what is happening. This self-awareness allows us to feel more in control and connected to ourselves.
We need not bury, minimize or dismiss our emotions even if it feels uncomfortable to us. We can give them room and space and see what they want to tell us…
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
by Rumi
Taken from SELECTED POEMS by Rumi, Translated by Coleman Barks (Penguin Classics, 2004).
